I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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