I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
