and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
