Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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