I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
