worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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