I think my vagina is haunted
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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