So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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