Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
