News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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