you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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