so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
