Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
