I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
