I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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