soooo we both peed the bed last night...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
