dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
