All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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