The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
