she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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