i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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