I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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