dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
