She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
