who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So vagazzling was a success
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
