If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
