This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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