I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
