Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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