You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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