not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
