My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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