I think I died a long time ago.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
