We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
