my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
