I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
