Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
