She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
