Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
