Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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