my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
