I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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