Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
