He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
