is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
