just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
