I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
