the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
