Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
