he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
