YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
