I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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