Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
